There are two major crimes we commit when we solve every problem our children bring to us. First, we are robbing them of independence, and secondly, we are teaching them to be afraid of making mistakes. These two are breeding grounds for anxiousness and perfectionism.
Doing this continuously makes our Kids get used to bringing their problems to us to solve, and of course, if we keep solving them, they’ll keep bringing them. “Mum, can you call my teacher to tell her I didn’t understand today’s topic?” “Dad, can you ask my teacher to pick me for the team?” “Mum, can you help me find my socks?” “Mum, can you help me solve my homework?”
Most times, we simply find ourselves jumping in to help them out.
Alternatively, we can take a problem-solving approach, prompting them to resolve their own problems and take responsibility for their concerns.
“What’s the best approach to take with your teacher?” “Where might your socks be?” “Can you solve this yourself?” Other questions we can ask kids to encourage them to resolve their own problems include:
1. “Can you solve this yourself?” Get kids thinking they can do it.
2. “What do you think needs to happen?” Get kids thinking about solving problems.
3. “What’s the first step?” Sometimes just getting kids started is enough to get them working out issues themselves.
4. “How would you like me to help?” Get kids considering the type of assistance they need.
5. “What’s the best way to do this?” Get kids assessing and prioritizing.
Problem-solving is a major skill that resilient kids have, yet many of us are not equipped to developing it in our kids.
The place to start is stepping back and asking good questions when kids bring you their problems to solve.
Make deliberate effort to raise Problem-Solving kids.
